"What if I'll never see my dad again?"

“My father was a funny and kind man. He always told me jokes and made me laugh. I had never thought about how it would be without him, until that day when he went to fight in the Second World War. It was a hard time for us. My mother took care of me and my siblings during the war, and my two older brothers worked everyday so we could make a living. I was only four when he left, so I didn't exactly know what was happening. My mother tried to hide it from me. She thought that it would be best for me. One night when I couldn't sleep I found her crying in the kitchen. It was the first time I had seen her cry. She couldn't hide it from me anymore. She told me about dad fight in the war against the Soviet Union and maybe that he wouldn’t come back to us. It was tough to take in. "What if I'll never see my dad again?" But we were lucky unlike many other families. After a long time he finally came back alive, but he wasn't the same. He was traumatized. My father couldn't forget what he had seen in war. All the dead, sick and injured people. All the bombs, grenades and weapons. He remembered every situation in detail. Exactly what had happened and how he felt.” 

“He started to drink a lot of alcohol in the hopes of forgetting the war, and also to reduce his anxiety and pain. He wasn't abusive, but he made me scared sometimes. Seeing my father like that was terrible. I still remember his behavior towards  me and my family even if it was many years ago. I still remember how it was to be afraid of my own father. After a couple of months he stopped drinking. He said to me: "At the moment when I was drunk, I totally forgot everything about the war, and everything else. But when I was just a little bit sober, all the memories came back. I realized that I will remember the war for the rest of my life. The war is a part of me and if I forget about it, I also forget a piece of my past and who I have become. Also, this isn't the kind of father I want to be. I want to be there for you and your siblings. I want to support you, make you laugh and create memories with you, not the opposite. Being in war is tough, but seeing your loved ones being scared of you is tougher." Now I know what he meant. I would like to do everything for my kids and my grandchildren, just like he did everything for me.”

Alina 9B