“With that vanity jump in a pool I changed a chapter in my life”

DECEMBER 2019: STOCKHOLM

“I was twenty years and had just returned from playing tennis in New Zealand. I was very lost and I had literally no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I still practiced tennis full time but I also worked with running a recreation area for some f####ing reason I can’t think of. That summer it was a kick off for the 7th graders in a school named Åsö. We were staying in a hostel in North of Sköndal. It was a very hot day but unfortunately we got the bad news that we couldn’t take a swim in the sea. The reason was the massive and dangerous algae bloom. But in some way we found a pool nearby. Suddenly a lot of teenagers, mostly boys made a big deal of jumping the bomb which was pretty corny. But I was at that time in need of confirmation so I think I enjoyed when people thought I was tough. The kids started pushing me and asked if I could jump the bomb myself. If someone asked me to do something similar today I think I would laugh and turn the other side, but I took the chance more seriously and did what they all wanted. However, the case wasn’t problem-free. One, I’m two meters long and not agile at all. The thing with jumping the bomb is to land on your butt but I didn’t. Two, no one told me the pool was only one meter deep. Because of my inflexible body or my very long legs I landed on my knees and crushed my kneecap. I just had written a test and had contact with some tennis college. With that vanity jump in a pool I changed chapter in my life. I left the tennis behind me and started what would become the next chapter. When I look back at it, I don’t think I would make it to the top with my Tennis. I always struggled with myself and my performance anxiety. Sooner or later I would have had to make that decision but this time it wasn’t an active choice. A pool made it for me.”

“I don’t regret I quit playing tennis. I don’t think you should regret anything at all. I would rather regret something I’ve done than something I haven’t. If I could go back in time I would work with the distance to myself and maybe live more in the present. I always chased things and never appreciate the chance to do what I wanted. It’s fantastic playing tennis in New Zealand, I didn’t have to be top hundred in the world. Who the f##k cares about that?”